85 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
85 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
news-dataset-1 = Tree stuck in tajaran; firefighters baffled.
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news-dataset-2 = Armadillos want aardvarks removed from dictionary claims 'here first'.
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news-dataset-3 = Angel found dancing on pinhead ordered to stop; cited for public nuisance.
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news-dataset-4 = Letters claim they are better than number; 'Always have been'.
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news-dataset-5 = Pens proclaim pencils obsolete, 'lead is dead'.
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news-dataset-6 = Rock and paper sues scissors for discrimination.
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news-dataset-7 = Steak tell-all book reveals he never liked sitting by potato.
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news-dataset-8 = Woodchuck stops counting how many times he’s chucked 'Never again'.
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news-dataset-9 = 'Here kitty kitty' no longer preferred tajaran retrieval technique.
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news-dataset-10 = Man travels 7000 light years to retrieve lost hankie, 'It was my favourite'.
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news-dataset-11 = New bowling lane that shoots mini-meteors at bowlers very popular.
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news-dataset-12 = Skrell marries computer; wedding attended by 100 modems.
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news-dataset-13 = Chef reports successfully using harmonica as cheese grater.
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news-dataset-14 = Nanotrasen invents handkerchief that says 'Bless you' after sneeze.
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news-dataset-15 = Clone accused of posing for other clones’s school photo.
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news-dataset-16 = Clone accused of stealing other clones’s employee of the month award.
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news-dataset-17 = Woman robs station with hair dryer; crewmen love new style.
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news-dataset-18 = This space for rent.
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news-dataset-19 = Skrell Scientist Discovers Abacus Can Be Used To Dry Towels
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news-dataset-20 = Survey: 'Cheese Louise' Voted Best Pizza Restaurant In Tau Ceti
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news-dataset-21 = Swamp Gas Verified To Be Exhalations Of Stars--Movie Stars--Long Passed
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news-dataset-22 = Tainted Broccoli Weapon Of Choice For Syndicate Assassins
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news-dataset-23 = Chefs Find Broccoli Effective Tool For Cutting Cheese
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news-dataset-24 = Broccoli Found To Cause Grumpiness In Monkeys
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news-dataset-25 = Giant Hairball Has Perfect Grammar But Rolls rr's Too Much, Linguists Say
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news-dataset-26 = Gibson Gazette Updates Frequently Absurd, Poll Indicates
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news-dataset-27 = Taj Demand Longer Breaks, Cleaner Litter, Slower Mice
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news-dataset-28 = Survey: 3 Out Of 5 Skrell Loathe Modern Art
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news-dataset-29 = Skrell Scientist Discovers Gravity While Falling Down Stairs
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news-dataset-30 = Humans Everywhere Agree: Purring Tajarans Are Happy Tajarans
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news-dataset-31 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: One Word In This Gazette Is Sdrawkcab
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news-dataset-32 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Hard To Have Too Much Shelf Space
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news-dataset-33 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Wine And Friendships Get Better With Age
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news-dataset-34 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: The Insides Of Golf Balls Are Mostly Rubber Bands
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news-dataset-35 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Don't Have To Fool All The People, Just The Right Ones
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news-dataset-36 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: If You Made The Mess, You Clean It Up
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news-dataset-37 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It Is Easier To Get Forgiveness Than Permission
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news-dataset-38 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Check Your Facts Before Making A Fool Of Yourself
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news-dataset-39 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Can't Outwait A Bureaucracy
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news-dataset-40 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Better To Yield Right Of Way Than To Demand It
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news-dataset-41 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: A Person Who Likes Cats Can't Be All Bad
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news-dataset-42 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Help Is The Sunny Side Of Control
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news-dataset-43 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Two Points Determine A Straight Line
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news-dataset-44 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Reading Improves The Mind And Lifts The Spirit
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news-dataset-45 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Better To Aim High And Miss Then To Aim Low And Hit
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news-dataset-46 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Meteors Often Strike The Same Place More Than Once
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news-dataset-47 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Look Both Ways Before Boarding The Shuttle
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news-dataset-48 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Hold On; Sudden Stops Sometimes Necessary
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news-dataset-49 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Keep Fingers Away From Moving Panels
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news-dataset-50 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: No Left Turn, Except Shuttles
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news-dataset-51 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Return Seats And Trays To Their Proper Upright Position
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news-dataset-52 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Eating And Drinking In Docking Bays Is Prohibited
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news-dataset-53 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Accept No Substitutes, And Don't Be Fooled By Imitations
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news-dataset-54 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Do Not Remove This Tag Under Penalty Of Law
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news-dataset-55 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Always Mix Thoroughly When So Instructed
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news-dataset-56 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Try To Keep Six Month's Expenses In Reserve
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news-dataset-57 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Change Not Given Without Purchase
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news-dataset-58 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: If You Break It, You Buy It
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news-dataset-59 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Reservations Must Be Cancelled 48 Hours Prior To Event To Obtain Refund
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news-dataset-60 = Doughnuts: Is There Anything They Can't Do
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news-dataset-61 = If Tin Whistles Are Made Of Tin, What Do They Make Foghorns Out Of?
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news-dataset-62 = Broccoli discovered to be colonies of tiny aliens with murder on their minds
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## Commented
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# {{AFFECTED}} clerk first person able to pronounce '@*$%!'.
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# {{AFFECTED}} delis serving boiled paperback dictionaries, 'Adjectives chewy' customers declare.
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# {{AFFECTED}} weather deemed 'boring'; meteors and rad storms to be imported.
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# Most {{AFFECTED}} security officers prefer cream over sugar.
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# Palindrome speakers conference in {{AFFECTED}}; 'Wow!' says Otto.
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# Question mark worshipped as deity by ancient {{AFFECTED}} dwellers.
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# Spilled milk causes whole {{AFFECTED}} populace to cry.
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# World largest carp patty at display on {{AFFECTED}}.
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# Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest '[pick(CentCom,star,starship,asteroid)] tickles most'.
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# {{AFFECTED}} Baker Wins Pickled Crumpet Toss Three Years Running
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# I Was Framed, jokes {{AFFECTED}} artist
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# Mysterious Loud Rumbling Noises In {{AFFECTED}} Found To Be Mysterious Loud Rumblings
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# Alien ambassador becomes lost on {{AFFECTED}}, refuses to ask for directions
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# Survey: 80% Of People on {{AFFECTED}} Love Clog-Dancing
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# {{AFFECTED}} Phonebooks Print All Wrong Numbers; Results In 15 New Marriages
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# Tajaran Burglar Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}, Mistaken For Dalmatian
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# Esoteric Verbosity Culminates In Communicative Ennui, {{AFFECTED}} Academics Note
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# Boy Saves Tajaran From Tree on {{AFFECTED}}, Thousands Cheer
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# Shipment Of Apples Overturns, {{AFFECTED}} Diner Offers Applesauce Special
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# Spotted Owl Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}
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